Parody of Tom Ford

[walk onstage in baldcap, white shirt unbuttoned to navel and velvet jacket]

You look fabulous. You better work girlfriend! I love your hair.

Hello, I'm Tom Ford. Fashion Icon. I don't change my clothes, I change yours.

I was the design mastermind behind Gucci, and then I made 13 million dollars by designing a pair of sunglasses. Now I am coming out with a beauty line for women. I can do anything. I'm Tom Ford. Watch.

Hello estee lauder? I’d like to start a womens fragrance line and call it RAPE. I know women. I know what women want. Great send the contract to my agent. See?

I have a very busy day. I have a threeway scheduled at 4 pm with Scarlett Johansen and Josh hartnett. Then I am going to Bowie’s loft where we are going to fondle Iman's Eritrean tits, and then I’m going to eat Stings dick cheese with this plastic spoon.

But first, I’m going to donate my time to a worthy cause.

[puts on african necklace]

I'm Tom Ford and I am African.