Hey! I'm trying to be a gay whore here!

I went to Toronto this weekend…for Maggie Cassella's Were Funny That Way Gay and Lesbian Comedy Festival, now in its 11th year. Maggie has a radio show now on PROUD FM...a new radio station...she is so sweet and supportive while being a fasttalking comedic caterwaul of a performer...a very cool woman...

I got a chance to check out Jason Dudey, and also my friends the Wau Wau Sisters, who were there for the two nights previous to my show on Saturday. As usual it was so damn fun to hang out with them. We ended up doing lame things together...hanging out in the hotel bar, Matisse, and going to Woody's this general-audience gay bar, and watching terrible drag queens lipsynch. Favorite moment, the drag queen in a panic checking her microphone to make sure it was OFF while she sang into it....

Toronto...its such a nice place..It isn’t the most romantic city…its not like you open your windows and breathe the air and say “ahhh, Toronto!”...the downtown area where i stayed...in many ways looks like what brooklyn is about to become…lots of lowlying buildings with these stalky glassy apartment condos sprouted around. I hate to say it, but it kind of calmed me down a bit about the changes to my nabe. Because there doesn’t seem to be quite the traffic snarl or lack of job growth or whatever to the area…

Well heres a good balance to that cravenly conservative pro-real estate statement:

1) sex clubs are legal in Canada..or at least Toronto/Ontario. Apparently according to my friend who lives there, a recent court case involving (surprise) a straight sex club ruled it constitutional that adults are allowed to engage in free activity while in an enclosed space. He took me to the Eagle, which is always fun to visit no matter what town, and there was this interesting video screen in the entrance to the now-legal backroom which had nine or so RULES of conduct...including "no scat or blood" written in a red font. nice touch.

2) I met three female to male transsexuals who seemd to be living happy lives…and they were kind of sexy too…which makes me think there is some social system at work in canada that makes it easier for them to thrive. A dumb vague statement but i will leave it to the politico fagoons to expound and explain this...

But…3) I couldn’t for the life of me ..um, connect...with anyone. (i will now use the term "umconnect" to signify you know what) I had this hotel room all to myself but darn it all, nothing seemed to click. And believe me i tired to umconnect. I practically streetwalked like a hooker. No luck. What a waste of a hotel room! Here is further proof that we performer types never really end up umconnecting, an email i received the day after i did my show. Now, i am just pointing this out to show you (my three readers of this dumb blog) that I have a hard time being a slutbag, even when i try to be.
:

Mike,
> >
> > I just got home from your Toronto show at the Buddies in Bad Times
>Theatre. When I saw you on stage, I realized that I had seen you in the audience
>at the end of the Wau Wau Sisters performance on Thursday night. I was sitting on a bar stool in the corner of the theatre next to the bar, too shy to talk to you. It would have been nice to chat after today's show but I didn't know if you were gonna come out after the show so I took off. Maybe next time you have a show in town.

Maybe i should just trust in my path...because perhaps there was some scary hotel toronto stalker out there, and I was saved from certain death.