Notes on a Sex Scandal

Since not many people really read this section (if anything on my website) i may as well use it for weird notes i have while i am typing away on something else:

Bite the Light -- possible book title...reminiscences of television and its soothing commerical light...of all the commercial nostalgia for specific types of diffuse light and adviertising that seemed to have more purity to its projection

Providing the vaporware for your brain -- when someone uses an image of someone else to jerk off to...like when you are online and looking at photos of someone you will never meet...reminds me of Logans Run...

my friend and her girlfirned in their car, watch a police officer throw a wrapper out his window. the one woman says, "hey why dont you make our neighborhood safe instead of trashing it." and the police officer says something like "i didnt think about it." and the other one, a sweet good natured woman with a pure hatred for police suddenly is fueled with anger and screams "You fucking asshole pig!" which then has the police officer driving after them, and the two lesbians have to speed aroudn parkk slope losing him among the brownstones. so funny...

I have finally reached the age where married people my age are having second thoughts and becomign unhappy and having affairs and acting crazy. There is something weirdly reassuring about it because I have had to weather their wedding life-perfection while remaining single and gay and criticizing myself for it during the whole "we are settling down now, goodbye gay friend" phase that has lasted from age 28 - 37. someone told me the best story about two friends, one wholives in nyc and the other, who lives in another city. They have been friends since high school. The non-nyc woman lives in the suburbs and is unhappy with her life...she is bored, has a kid, a total Little Children lifestyle. She visits her friend in NYC often. Recently though the suburban one was at a wedding near her home and there was a string quartet playing. She became quite attracted to the viola player, or oboe player or something. He fucked her silly inthe bathroom. He lives in a borough of new york and is Polish. She fell for him and has made frequent trips up to see him. She brings her kid and I guess tells her husband that she needs to see her friend in nyc. I can imagien the husband being sort of like "wow, i didnt know Wife and Friend X were that close, but okay." She then drops her kid off at the friends place and goes a few stops on the subway and has bonker sex. Of course she is upset by it, and it fuels passionately in her head, mixed together with the illicit sex and the crack cocaine quality of freedom it provides her answerable tactile release like a well-mixed high end showerscrub. So alluring the escape...and knowing in your heart that its doomed and will damage you for good, or at least long enough for you to get too old to even want to get out of a chair and have an affair...some way, i think, that people try to hobble themselves so that they feel too damaged and ugly to ever do it again. Some kind of puritanical mentality i guess. Anyway recently she came and dropped her kid off and went out at night. The friend had to put the child to bed in her child's room. In the middle of the night her kid came into the room to sleep like he always does. Inthe middle of the night the friend was awakened by the other womans child, saying "where is my mommy?"...the friend had to say "Um, she's out with a friend!" and the kid, a 4 year old, knew it was weird. "But its 3 in the morning." the friend tried to calm him down. the child asked where her son was. 'He's in bed with us' she said. "can i come to?" the child said...she said she would lay down with hm in the other room instead. He didnt sleep all night. in the morning the mother came in, 6.30...when the friend talks to her about it, and asks if she is so in love with the man if she shoudl maybe get a divorce, she says "oh no i would never leave my husband." a few weeks later the musician broke up with her. Because, being single and sounding like your basic healthy single person who isnt an idiot, he told her if she didnt leave her husband, he didnt want to see her. She fell apart...upset, calling the new york friend and crying and crying. poor thing. reminds me of that scene in Election of that loser older teacher guy crying "but...we're in love!"