A Flash Flood Watch In Effect
This is such a tangled day for me, both inside and in what i think is the world we all live in unless it is an intricate illusion.
This is a weird day of seeking desperate truth. Other people at their core blame other things -- like the repressed sides of themselves, or political chicanery or religious rulings, but I think embarrassingly that what happens to me is because of some whisper of the spheres, some scarfy vibrational destiny, that tangles happen because of Mercury in Retrograde.
Everyone is so purely desiring the truth today. Everyone is voting and wating to see if their interpretation of reality is true. There are people at votings boots videotaping the counts so that nothing is hidden. there is a Flash Flood Watch in effect. Saddam was sentenced to be hanged. Adrienne Shelly was found not to have committed suicide, but to have been murdered by a construction worker who hit her and then covered it up by having her look as if she was hanged herself in her bathroom. And I told the guy who i thought was sort of into me who left me at a party for some guy that he was a Player, and sent him the definition
i sent him the following, and then I am weirdly posting it here, just to make sure that I am proving things are true. Through footage, through documentation...i so want to make sure the intricate slats and slots of my life are not in the end a faulty broken voting booth or, even worse, a secret darkly meticulate plan of some strange group of rich evil people and their oil.
"Thank you for clearing things up. But come on, you knew exactly what you were doing. I’ve met guys like you way too many times, and I know how you work. Do you know the term “Player”? its a very useful hip-hop term, sometimes spelled “Playah”:
You are new to New York — the big bloody heart of American consumerism. This city dangles loud, obvious sexuality in front of people 24 hours a day. I have been here a while and barely survived it’s constant seduction, and now I want something slow and subtle and real. But it’s not easy -- guys like me often lose out because we don’t try to grab your ass in the middle of a party.
But don’t worry! Unlike other Players, you are honest and direct, which means there is hope for you....When you’ve been here at least three years, you will feel the way I do, too.
Thanks for letting me say all this. It’s actually been very helpful. I wish you all the best....have fun and be careful and I will see you soon...
Then HE sent me back this message about how he was hurt by what i said and that he isnt a player and wants things that are real and I maybe had expectations, and i totally think he is nice and perhaps normal and kind-hearted. But I also think I had defensible expectations. In a tribunal I would point to the NAKED photo he sent me, or the CD he made, or that when we first met, we held hands with our backs turned while talking to other people.
I am dumb, but i love it when someone does this. I probably put too much weight in it. That way that you touch eachother when talking to other people, just to show that you are connected but still a part of the world, wanting to be an active plowsman in the talk and thoughts and politics of humanity. But still embracing the soft part, the small expression of the world...that all phenomenon is also in a small hint or private part of yourself.
I told him i was sorry and that i cant help it, I ALWAYS have expectations. I have tried and tried to be one of those people who go into things "without expectations" and i am so truly not one of those people. And now he is fine and I am fine. We are friendly. But i still think i am right.
And i also believe i am ruled by communications, as I am supposed to be as a Gemini Gemini rising Leo Moon. I was BUILT to float on this wordy surf and to be obsessed with it, and to use it to define reality. My favorite tarot Card is the 8 or wands, the card of swiftness. And four years ago, i was walking down the street and found that card on the sidewalk, wet, turned over. It was brisk and autumnal and i was in Carroll Gardens.
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